Al's Dreamboat

[Martin Eisenstadt]

When Gay Al wakes up with a hard on, there's only one thing for him to do: write about it in his personal blog.  Here's his post from 7:35 am on February 13, 2009 (yup, the day before Valentine's Day):

The trials of Sam-Unwise
I met Portland mayor Sam Adams when he was 18. At least he looked 18. I am fairly sure that it was the same Sam Adams, but the room was kind of dim. He was kind of cute, maybe I should have asked him out. I was about 30 when we met. Let’s see, 30 minus 18 is a 12-year age difference. Is that, well, proper?

Let’s look around in society for examples from respected leaders. Senator and envoy George Mitchell was 60 and wife Heather was 35 when they met, so that’s a 25-year gap, pretty impressive. William O. Douglas was sixty-six when he met twenty-two year old Cathy at a Portland bar. She became Mrs. Justice Douglas, a 44-year difference. Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich started out a little differently by marrying his barely-former high school teacher when he was 19 and she was 26—a bold step but only a seven-year difference. He’s on a different wife now and the gap is more traditional, if you will: she’s 23 years younger.

So we can dispense with Sam’s preference for younger partners. It is traditional, almost Republican, you could say, if you throw in Henry Kissinger’s younger wife and any number of others that we could unearth. Reviving that issue is simply political necrophilia.

So that leaves Sam-Unwise with the problem of the Age of Consent, a concept under which legislators who remember lust in the abstract but are too old to recollect what it feels like establish cutoff dates for the behavior of those who still have it. As far as I can tell from online sources, most U.S. states set the age at 16, some at 17 and a few, including Oregon, at 18. In other words, states pick an arbitrary age.

Until the Supreme Court acted, the age standard was different in some states for gay couples, as if there were something fundamentally different about the nature of the bond. The age remains different in some states for people who want to marry, as though a person who can’t consent by virtue of immaturity suddenly matures if he wants to marry at 16.

This is the astonishingly murky thicket of baseless laws into which our new Attorney General has been lured in a moment of inattention and from which, if he is as smart as he is supposed to be, he will quickly emerge without doing anything stupid. Sam’s kiss-and-fib is getting to be stale political theater, a fine example of something upon which scarce public funds should not be spent. Start with schools, unemployment, health care, water quality, public safety and potholes.

Oh, the room where I met Sam was the newsroom of the Oregon Daily Emerald at the University of Oregon, where I was working in the mid-1980s. Sam came in to have some political argument with the staff (that’s why I’m pretty sure it is the same guy) and told me that he didn’t like my position on something (got to be the same guy).

I’m nostalgic for what might have been, Sam. It’s true, I’m 52 and fat, and I was briefly a Republican, though I never inhaled. These days I’m a respectable professional, not without charm, and single. Say hello sometime.
Posted by Alan Contreras at 7:35 AM 0 comments Links to this post

Said "Sam Adams" is not a bottle of beer but rather the self-decribed "queer and a faggot" Mayor of the city of Portland, Oregon.

Oh yeah, I'm sure all the child molesting pervs like Adams want a piece of this:

Anal Contreras: "A fine example of something upon which scarce public funds should not be spent."

Try to look more like an intern Al, then you might have a chance.

So the pervert says that age of consent laws are "baseless."  Apparently defamation wasn't the only class he slept through in law school.  Probably out trolling the latrines during crim law class the day they covered that.  

Well hell Al, if we can all just ignore those laws we consider "baseless" then aren't you pretty much out of a job?  Your arbitrary enforcement of Oregon's unaccredited-degree laws has been adjudicated as not only baseless but a violation of constitutionally protected civil rights.  

[ham]

You know what?
The general public and authorities both worship and fear these clowns...they turn a blind eye to their blunders...if Adams or Contreras were not self-described homosexuals and "early bird lovers", but had been caught with four copies of Mein Kampf and a Nazi flag, they would have probably been deported to Germany to serve time in jail, let alone losing their job...funny, eh?

[Fort Bragg]

So the point of Gay Al's rant seems to be that child molesting is OK. Why does he go about it in such a circular way? Why doesn't he just scream bring on the boys without the stretched out pucker strings. I suspect Al is surprised more when he gets a woodie than when he has fecal incontinence.

[Armando Ramos]

These days I’m a respectable professional...

Not by any stretch of the imagination.  A pervert writing public love letters to a child molester is neither respectable nor professional.  The thought of this deviant passing judgment on other people's conduct is beyond ludicrous.  Surely in Oregon there must be enough victims or parents of victims of child molesters to put an end to this sick bastard's "nostalgia."

[Albert Hidel]

[ham]

Surely in Oregon there must be enough victims or parents of victims of child molesters to put an end to this sick bastard's "nostalgia."

Not only will the unwashed NOT put an end to anything, but they actually worship and vote them in power.

[Dickie Billericay]

Here's how they do it in Louisiana:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oi3Hyxuf5AE

Five years probation!  Wonder if they have a group rate, like shoot four and do 15 years probation?  

Maybe Obama will extend "cap and trade" to something like "probation banking."  Every year you don't get into trouble counts as a good year for future probation.  When you have five years of future probation accumulated you can shoot one pervert.