Amazing Similarities! Lincoln/Gollin

[Martin Eisenstadt]

It's just uncanny!  Consider all these amazing similarities between Abraham Lincoln and George Gollin (George D. Gollin, George Dana Gollin):

Lincoln: born in Illinois
Gollin: works in Illinois

Lincoln: father remarried when he was 10
Gollin: father remarried when he was 22

Lincoln: No experience in military when elected President
Gollin: No experience in non-traditional higher education when self-appointed expert

Lincoln: Gettysburg address
Gollin: Email address g-gollin@uiuc.edu

Lincoln: Liberated slaves
Gollin: Liberated wealthy education cartel from cut-rate competitors

Lincoln: Collaborated with generals to win Civil War
Gollin: Collaborated with 15 pals to write doctoral dissertation

Lincoln: suspended habeas corpus
Gollin: scratches his ass in public

Lincoln: family ate roasted pheasant served with molasses sweet potatoes
Gollin: family eats chocolate vaginas and spring rolls (but hold the gefilte fish, thank you).

Lincoln: married daughter of a prominent slave-owning family from Kentucky
Gollin: married daughter of obscure “dirty papist”-hating family from Iowa.

Lincoln: wife known as a clothes-horse who dressed in European fashions
Gollin: wife known as a horse-face who dresses like a man

Lincoln: had a son who became a captain in the US Army
Gollin: has a daughter who became a lesbian radical cheerleader

Lincoln: had a secretary named Kennedy
Gollin: has a dear friend named Alan  

Lincoln: believed all men were created equal
Gollin: believes all except superior people like himself are created equal

Lincoln: shot in Ford’s theater
Gollin: drives a Saturn

[ham]

Both tried to sell themselves as disinterested champions of supreme ideals while both were only peanuts who'd stop at nothing to get public attention.

[Dennis Ruhl]

Lincoln: shot in Ford’s theater
Gollin: drives a Saturn

I'd take the bullet.