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  2008 Top Military-Friendly Colleges
Posted by: Don Dresden - 02-20-2009, 11:02 AM - Forum: Distance Learning Discussion - Replies (4)

http://d1586.u21.iamtechassist.com/files...chools.pdf

Quote:KMI Media Group and Military Advanced Education are pleased to present the 2008 Top Military-Friendly Colleges and Universities Honorees. These schools were selected by an independent panel of judges from the fields of both education and the military. Their selections are based on each institution’s favorable policies toward our men and women in uniform.

We invited over 2000 colleges and universities to participate in this year’s honors. This year’s response exceeded our expectations and is indicative of the attention being paid to our men and women in uniform by America’s institutions of higher learning. Due to the extensive number of returned submissions, the decision was made to double the number of schools that will be honored in 2008 from 30 to 60.

As a further tribute to those schools whose military-friendly policies set the gold standard for this honor, the judges have singled out Military Advanced Education’s 2008 Top 20 Schools for further distinction. We experienced several ties for this honor and, consequently, you will find 22 schools listed in the Top 20 Schools group.

We would like it to be known that all 60 schools selected for the 2008 Honor Roll scored very high or they would not have been selected. In fact, the difference between the Top 20 Schools and the other schools selected is equivalent to the numerical difference between an A+ and an A-, to use an educational analogy. In other words, all 60 schools scored very high or they would not have been selected.

All of this year’s honorees have been listed alphabetically.

AMERICAN MILITARY UNIVERSITY
10110 Battleview Parkway, Suite 200
Manassas, Virginia 20109
American Military University continues to serve and attract military students with our unique mission-related degree programs, affordable tuition, undergraduate book grant, monthly class starts, flexible withdrawal and extension policies, and a staff that understands the military community. Approximately 34,000 active duty, Guard, Reserve and veterans are enrolled in 73 undergraduate and graduate degree programs, which reflects over a 40 percent growth in students since last year’s submission. This year, we gained entry into the SOCOAST, SOCMAR and SOCNAV degree networks, Navy’s Distance Learning Partnership (NCPDLP) and Marine Corps Academic Explorer Program to supplement our participation in AU-ABC and the GoArmyEd portals.

AMERICAN SENTINEL UNIVERSITY
2260 South Xanadu Way
Aurora, Colorado 80014
American Sentinel University provides leading-edge, business, technology, criminal justice and health care degrees, plus significant military benefits to the extended military community. Military financial and assistance benefits are available to all servicemembers, veterans, auxiliary, and spouses. Flexible, asynchronous online course presentation works well for members whether deployed to remote locations; at home after work and family needs are met; or for spouses while kids are at school. Diverse degree and certification programs meet needs of both active members and their services, meet spouses’ needs for transferable skills, and meet veterans’ needs in their civilian afterlife.

CAPELLA UNIVERSITY
225 South 6th Street, 9th Floor
Minneapolis, Minnesota 55402
At Capella University, we strive to provide high-quality educational opportunities to veterans, military servicemembers and their families. We provide a tuition discount to our military, their spouses and veterans. We accept transfer credit from all branches of the military and have forged partnerships with several senior service schools. We offer a flexible military leave of absence policy that allows our military learners to pursue their educational goals despite their service obligations. Our armed forces and veterans support team is available to provide resources and support for learners using Tuition Assistance, GoArmyEd, and state and federal veterans programs and benefits.

CENTRAL TEXAS COLLEGE
P.O. Box 1800
Killeen, Texas 76540-1800
Central Texas College has served active and retired military and family members for more than 40 years. CTC offers associate degrees and certificates designed for the military student, face-to-face and distance learning options, and maximum credit for military education and training.
CTC offers on-site student support through campuses in Texas, the continental U.S., in the Pacific-Far East and Europe, and on Navy ships at sea. Online mentors and counselors help distance learners with the full range of student services, while CTC’s tech support staff helps distant learners resolve technical problems.

COASTLINE COMMUNITY COLLEGE
Fountain Valley, California 92708
Founded in 1975 as a college without walls and dedicated to distance learning, Coastline College has produced multiple Emmy award-winning telecourses and hundreds of internet, CD-ROM and PDA courses. This college began specifically serving the military in the early 1980s and graduated over 1,500 military graduates in 2008, from every branch of service and throughout the world. Fourty-nine percent of all associate degrees awarded in the Navy in 2008 were from Coastline. They are a regionally accredited college based out of California. The school offers multiple degrees and awards up to 40 AARTS/SMART/CCAF/CLEP/DANTES credits toward a degree.

COLUMBIA COLLEGE
1001 Rogers Street
Columbia, Missouri 65216
Accredited and nationally recognized, Columbia College has four decades of expertise awarding nontraditional credit for military training and experience; accepting ACE recommendations for military training and CLEP, DANTES and ECE examinations; maintaining a liberal withdrawal policy for military-related circumstances; and accepting up to 60 hours of nontraditional credit toward our bachelor’s programs. Add our partnership in GoArmyEd, EArmyU, NCPACE and NCPDLP; availability at the home campus to Army, Naval and AF ROTC programs; offering of in-seat courses at 18 military installations; and national test center responsibilities on 13 military installations, and you’ll see how Columbia College earns the designation "military-friendly."

COLUMBIA SOUTHERN UNIVERSITY
25326 Canal Road
P.O. Box 3110
Orange Beach, Alabama 36561
One of the nation’s first completely online universities, Columbia Southern University serves more than 6,000 military servicemembers. Open enrollment, flexible courses and affordable tuition allow soldiers to achieve a quality education. Transfer credit is awarded for military training, professional experience and prior coursework. Up to 75 percent of undergraduate courses and 50 percent of graduate courses can be transferred. All servicemembers receive an application fee waiver. Immediate family receives the waiver and a 10 percent tuition discount. Scholarships are also available. Approved to offer DANTES, TA and VA benefits, CSU is also a member of GoArmyEd and Servicemembers Opportunity Colleges.

ECPI COLLEGE OF TECHNOLOGY
5555 Greenwich Road
Virginia Beach, Virginia 23462
ECPI College of Technology is a leading private college, providing quality education for over 40 years. Specializing in technology, business and health sciences education, ECPI is accredited by the Southern Association of Colleges and Schools to award Bachelor of Science and Associate of Science degrees. With physical campuses in VA, NC and SC, and worldwide accessibility through its online campus, ECPI is nationally ranked #1 in number of A.S. degrees awarded in computer information science (Community College Week – 2007).  An SOC member college, ECPI is proud to participate with partnership programs such as AU-ABC, GoArmyEd and eArmyU, MCCCP, NCPACE and NCPDLP.

EXCELSIOR COLLEGE
7 Columbia Circle
Albany, New York 12203-5159
Excelsior College, a regionally accredited institution and CCME Institutional Award recipient for advancing the cause of military education, has served our military community for over 37 years. The Center for Military Education provides specialized services, and there are on-site military representatives at 50+ installations. Excelsior offers 40+ degree programs in business, CJ, health sciences, liberal arts, nursing and technology. Students maximize previously earned and transfer credits from military training, college courses and examinations. Excelsior College has been repeatedly top-ranked for transfer students by U.S. News & World Report. Excelsior College offers distance courses online/CD-ROM. Excelsior College Examinations are funded 100 percent through DANTES.

GRANTHAM UNIVERSITY
7200 NW 86th Street
Kansas City, Missouri 64153
For nearly 60 years, Grantham University has provided online educational opportunities to servicemembers and their families. We believe that every servicemember, veteran and member of a military family should have the opportunity to pursue a college degree. In honor of the men and women who serve in every branch of the United States armed forces, Grantham University offers scholarships, tuition discounts and grants for active duty, reserve, guard, veterans and military family members.

KAPLAN UNIVERSITY
6301 Kaplan University Avenue
Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33309
Kaplan’s military enhancements for 2008 Universal Degree Platform, launching December 3, 2008—providing expanded flexibility for the transfer of credit from military training or prior course work. Up to 50 percent reduced tuition rates allowing active duty/veterans to obtain their degree using only MBIB or TA benefits (November 2008); spousal discount also offered. Becoming a GoArmyEd school, beginning January 2009, eliminating need for Tuition Assistance reimbursements for students. Providing university information on the AEX and AI portals. Specially trained military financial aid, academic advisers and admissions advisers.

PARK UNIVERSITY COLLEGE FOR DISTANCE LEARNING
8700 NW River Park Drive
Parkville, Missouri 64152
The College for Distance Learning at Park University is well-known as a pioneer in nontraditional studies that offers advanced degree programs accessible through multiple and highly respected delivery modalities. The faculty and staff are dedicated to assisting its diverse and global student learners achieve their academic and career goals. Students at Park University greatly benefit from the various educational services available during their unique educational journeys.  Park University continues to set the benchmark for serving military personnel and other adult learners who are seeking innovative academic degree programs steeped in excellence.

SAN DIEGO CITY COLLEGE
1313 Park Boulevard
San Diego, California 92101
San Diego City College has provided technical training and education to the military for 31 years. In FY 2008 alone, our military enrollment was 67,925. We offer educational opportunities and benefits to servicemembers through traditional and distance learning methods. Our Website is available 24/7/365, and trained counselors are available by e-mail and telephone. We currently have partnership agreements with 63 California universities and eight other national universities that may lead to a bachelor’s and/or master’s degree. We give college credit for your military rating/MOS specific, job-oriented training and are a member of the Navy College Program’s Distance Learning Partnership.

SOUTHERN ILLINOIS UNIVERSITY CARBONDALE
Carbondale, Illinois 62901-6899
SIUC has a long and distinguished history of delivering off-campus educational services to special populations throughout the world. In 1949 SIUC delivered programs in metropolitan East St. Louis, which led to the establishment of SIU Edwardsville, Ill. In 1973, SIUC began offering Bachelor of Science programs for military personnel, dependents and DoD personnel at military bases and later at non-military sites. Our focus, throughout, has been superb quality to meet diverse populations, with unique delivery systems that are appropriate and achievable, that enrich the lives of our students and faculty, and contribute to the betterment of the services.

STATE UNIVERSITY OF NEW YORK MARITIME COLLEGE
6 Pennyfield Avenue
Throggs Neck, New York 10465
SUNY Maritime is a member of the Senior Military Colleges, AMCUS and CCME. The college offers free tuition for National Guardsmen, Navy and Marine Corps Reservists who volunteer for N.Y. State defense forces. Maritime hosts the only NROTC battalion for the metropolitan NYC region. One of 18 colleges in America that provide education for the Navy Enlisted Nuclear Engineers Program, Maritime also has enlisted-to-officer programs for the Naval Service—the Navy’s Seaman-to-Admiral Program and the Marine Corps Education Completion Program. Graduates earn USCG and USNR commissions as well as USCG Licenses.

STRAYER UNIVERSITY
P.O. Box 1310
Newington, Virginia 22122
Strayer University is a proprietary institution of higher learning that offers undergraduate and graduate degree programs in business administration, accounting, information technology, education and public administration to more than 36,000 working adults at 60 campuses in 12 states including Washington, D.C., and worldwide via the Internet through Strayer University Online. Strayer University is an approved GoArmyEd, NCPDLP and AU/ABC institution. Our military scholarship supplements the military’s tuition assistance program and other educational resources to offer 100 percent tuition coverage for undergraduate tuition and a majority of graduate tuition. Military students receive a free application—a $50 savings.

THOMAS EDISON STATE COLLEGE
101 West State Street
Trenton, New Jersey 08608-1176
Throughout its history, Thomas Edison State College has served military personnel worldwide. TESC is a long-standing member of SOC, providing flexible educational opportunities to accommodate the challenges faced by our servicemembers. In addition to our online courses, we offer formats that do not require the use of Internet in order to serve those students with limited connectivity. We also recognize the difficulty in pursuing education while undergoing frequent transitions. In response, we accept direct transfer credits from regionally accredited institutions, military transcripts, certificates and licenses, CLEP, DSST, and Excelsior exams, accepting the ACE recommended credit for all of the above.

TUI UNIVERSITY
5665 Plaza Drive
Cypress, California 90630
TUI understands the unique challenges and needs of our armed services. We guarantee maximum transferability, and we are dedicated to helping you reach your educational goals through our online programs. TUI University is a proud educational partner in several programs involving the Navy, the Army, the Marine Corps, Coast Guard, the Army National Guard and the Reserve Components of all the services. TUI University offers many military service schools to degree programs such as Command and General Staff College, AU/ABC, etc. TUI University is accredited by the Western Association of Schools and Colleges (WASC).

UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND UNIVERSITY COLLEGE
3501 University Boulevard East
Adelphi, Maryland 20783
University of Maryland University College is proud to have served U.S. military personnel and their dependents for more than 60 years. Today, UMUC enrolls 60,000 active-duty servicemembers, reservists, family members and veterans at more than 20 locations in Maryland and the Washington, D.C., metropolitan area and in more than 20 countries and 150 locations worldwide. At UMUC, military students and their spouses qualify for in-state tuition rates no matter where they are stationed, and scholarships are available to servicemembers and family members alike. Thanks to UMUC’s comprehensive online student and support services, help is available 24/7 anywhere there’s Internet access.

THE UNIVERSITY OF OKLAHOMA
1700 Asp Avenue
Norman, Oklahoma 73072
Since 1942, the University of Oklahoma has partnered with DoD, to provide educational degree programs and opportunities for the military. Ranging from a Ph.D., seven master’s degrees, an online undergraduate degree, and a high school diploma, OU brings its faculty to military bases around the world. This unique program delivery has been internationally recognized for the seamlessness and transparency of delivering the true OU campus experience and degree to military servicemembers and their dependents. OU participates in the GoArmyEd program and the Navy PACE program. OU’s accommodation policy enables every enrolled military student to complete his or her education.

UNIVERSITY OF PHOENIX
3157 E. Elwood Street
Phoenix, Arizona 85034
A leader in delivering academic programs across the military community, University of Phoenix provides the flexibility to attend classes online or in a traditional setting worldwide. An extensive variety of rigorous, regionally and programmatically accredited degree programs, deliver a real-world education from associate through doctoral degrees. Our reputation for being a longtime military-friendly school is predicated on providing academic quality and outstanding service to our students. University of Phoenix is overwhelmingly the first choice of our nation’s veterans and recognized as a military spouse friendly school. Focused on program completion, our military division graduated over 7,200 students in FY 2008.

WESTERN GOVERNORS UNIVERSITY
4001 South 700 East, Suite 700
Salt Lake City, Utah 84107-2533
WGU’s unique accredited, online competency-based degrees have proved a great fit for active-duty, reserve, and National Guard military members and their spouses. We actively participate in Troops to Teachers and Spouses to Teachers programs (we offer supplemental scholarships in addition to the TTT and STT stipend) and recently introduced WGUfunded Spouses to Graduates scholarships, which can be used for all four disciplines—teaching, business, IT and health care. WGU has awarded over 150 scholarships to military spouses. In addition, WGU offers an M.B.A. in strategic leadership for graduates of the Air Force’s Air War College Residence Program or Non-Residence Program.

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  Guru Heebner Likes Apollo, Corinthian, DeVry, Capella
Posted by: Don Dresden - 02-19-2009, 04:44 PM - Forum: General Education Discussions - Replies (15)

In these tough financial times one investment guru, Ken Heebner, is putting his money on, among other things, for-profit DL education outfits.  Obviously he thinks they are going to go up in value despite the current economic situation.  He didn't get to be worth $6.9 billion by making a lot of wrong picks.
http://www.gurufocus.com/news.php?id=49288

Quote:Ken is a remarkable investor. Although sometime he got it wrong, but he still did very well during the past 20 years. This is what he bought and sold in the 4th quarter of 2008. ... Ken Heebner owns 89 stocks with a total value of $6.9 billion.

Quote:New Purchase: Apollo Group Inc. (APOL)
Ken Heebner initiated holdings in Apollo Group Inc.. His purchase prices were between $50.54 and $76.84, with an estimated average price of $68.2. The impact to his portfolio due to this purchase was 3.57%. His holdings were 3,200,000 shares as of 12/31/2008.

Apollo Group Inc. has been providing higher education to working adults for over 25 years. They operate through their subsidiaries the University of Phoenix Inc. the Institute for Professional Development the College for Financial Planning Institutes Corporation Western International University Inc. and Apollo Learning Group Inc. Apollo Group Inc. has a market cap of $13.28 billion; its shares were traded at around $81.45 with a P/E ratio of 26.67 and P/S ratio of 4.23. Apollo Group Inc. had an annual average earning growth of 29.1% over the past 10 years. GuruFocus rated Apollo Group Inc. the business predictability rank of 4-star.
...
New Purchase: Corinthian Colleges Inc. (COCO)
Ken Heebner initiated holdings in Corinthian Colleges Inc.. His purchase prices were between $12.14 and $16.08, with an estimated average price of $14.4. The impact to his portfolio due to this purchase was 0.1%. His holdings were 403,000 shares as of 12/31/2008.

Corinthian Colleges Inc. is one of the largest post-secondary education companies in North America operating colleges in states in the U.S. and seven provinces in Canada. The Company's mission is to help students prepare for careers that are in demand or to advance in their chosen career. Corinthian offers diploma programs and associate's bachelor's and master's degrees in a variety of fields concentrating on careers in health care business criminal justice transportation maintenance trades and technology. Corinthian Colleges Inc. has a market cap of $1.81 billion; its shares were traded at around $21.06 with a P/E ratio of 40.79 and P/S ratio of 1.7. Corinthian Colleges Inc. had an annual average earning growth of 11% over the past 10 years.

New Purchase: DeVry Inc. (DV)
Ken Heebner initiated holdings in DeVry Inc.. His purchase prices were between $44.42 and $58.28, with an estimated average price of $53.2. The impact to his portfolio due to this purchase was 0.09%. His holdings were 105,000 shares as of 12/31/2008.

DeVry Inc. owns and operates DeVry Institutes of Technology DenverTechnical College Keller Graduate School of Management and Becker Conviser CPA Review. DeVry Institutes DeVry Canada Inc. Denver TechnicalCollege and Keller Graduate School of Management are a part of DeVryUniversity. DeVry Institutes and Keller Graduate School collectively formone of the largest private degree-granting regionally accredited highereducation systems in North America. Becker prepares candidates for theCPA CMA and CFA professional certification examinations. DeVry Inc. has a market cap of $4.13 billion; its shares were traded at around $56.12 with a P/E ratio of 29.42 and P/S ratio of 3.78. The dividend yield of DeVry Inc. stocks is 0.28%. DeVry Inc. had an annual average earning growth of 4.3% over the past 10 years.
...
New Purchase: Capella Education Company (CPLA)
Ken Heebner initiated holdings in Capella Education Company. His purchase prices were between $37.18 and $59.86, with an estimated average price of $50.2. The impact to his portfolio due to this purchase was 0.04%. His holdings were 52,000 shares as of 12/31/2008.

CAPELLA EDUCATION COMPANY is a pioneer in developing high quality online degree programs for adults. Their programs are delivered through its wholly owned subsidiary They has an accredited online academic institution. Their university is known for its rigorous curricula that combine strong academic content and real world practicality presented in a flexible online format geared for adult students. Capella Education Company has a market cap of $981.9 million; its shares were traded at around $59.48 with a P/E ratio of 38.51 and P/S ratio of 4.34.

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  The Worlds Longest River
Posted by: Fort Bragg - 02-19-2009, 05:18 AM - Forum: Nominees, second-stringers, others - Replies (7)

Denial.

Degreediscussion is full of denial.

http://www.degreediscussion.com/forums/v...f=3&t=6539

At least Levicoff believes in free speech. He's from the old AED days when the faint hearted didn't stick around to play. He's pretty strong for a girl.

Dayson's been around almost as long, abusing and confusing people. What's his damage?

Jack was wondering what happened to the terms of service at DD. Since Gus had to otherwise ban himself, he removed them.

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  WES ROCKS BEAR'S EGO
Posted by: D00bie - 02-18-2009, 10:35 AM - Forum: John Bear - Replies (1)

World Education Services, a NACES member, has a web page referencing Diploma Mills below:

http://www.wes.org/ewenr/DiplomaMills.htm

Bear cannot believe after a lifetime of work of running, err I mean researching mills, his name is not even mentioned once on this well established educational organization website.

http://www.degreediscussion.com/forums/v...f=5&t=6520

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  Post Masters
Posted by: Owto - 02-18-2009, 09:56 AM - Forum: Distance Learning Discussion - Replies (4)

First time poster and now well versed in the general level of "no-bullshit" this site provides. I appreciate that fact.

Straight to the point:

I will complete my MBA through a DETC school and am looking for a doctorate program. I read through the NCU thread and am now apprehensive about applying to the program. I fear that the MBA may limit my options of a non-business doctorate but honestly have little to no experience in the process in general.

I will take any and all advice, even a "go away", so long as it's a straight answer.

Thanks

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  Who is this Sean Guy?
Posted by: Dennis Ruhl - 02-16-2009, 03:05 AM - Forum: General Education Discussions - No Replies

From Degreediscussion:

[quote]1. They used to be called Barrington University and were not accredited and sold everything under the sun. I almost applied there a few years ago!

2. I was looking quite recently for a school and found the University of Atlanta. It accredited and CHEA approved.

But I think it's the former Barrington University! And it's not even located in Atlanta!

So this is twice I was almost hoodwinked! First time, it was more obvious. But this second time is scary, as it's accredited.

[unquote]

http://www.degreediscussion.com/forums/v...1&start=45

For anyone interested in such matters, the U. of Atlanta IS now located in Atlanta. So STFU. It's a fine school, nice name.

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  DD member calls for shutting down DL Truth
Posted by: Little Arminius - 02-15-2009, 11:22 PM - Forum: Nominees, second-stringers, others - Replies (7)

Who is this loser calebwilds anyway? He appears to be a newbie who is upset with the DL Truth discussion of Uncle Janko's passing. He joined DD a scant 3 weeks prior to Janko's untimely departure yet somehow believes that he fully understands the complex relationship Unc had with this board and its members. This great insight somehow entitles him to call for this forum's closure in light of what he considers especially distasteful comments.

DD thread calling for DL Truth closure

First, I consider some of the comments made very distasteful and the antithesis of my own comments. (shown here) That doesn't give me the right to ask that those comments be censored.

Second, calebwilds doesn't have the benefit of recent DL fora history to understand the bigger picture. DL Truth was launched on the heels if the DI scandal and the establishment of DD by Gus Sainz. Gus, being the narrow-minded asswipe that he is, demanded adherence to "the party line" and within days kicked out the bulk of what became the early DL Truth membership. Shutting down DL Truth would effectively be the endorsement of the "RA or No Way" ideology embraced by Sainz, Gollin, Contreras, et al. and the silencing of any real opposition in the distance education arena. DL Truth serves that opposition function, often by employing satire and parody to humorously expose the foibles and occasional hypocrisy of its ideological opponents.

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  NA not even good enough at NA
Posted by: Gabe - 02-07-2009, 12:23 PM - Forum: General Education Discussions - Replies (1)

Grantham University is DETC accredited. Too bad they don't think highly enough of their own accreditation for prospective faculty members:

GU100 Faculty: "Must hold a minimum of a Master’s Degree from a regionally accredited institution in an area that supports the GU100 course"

Oh, the twisted world of higher education.

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  Virginia University of Lynchburg
Posted by: Gabe - 02-06-2009, 11:46 AM - Forum: Distance Learning Discussion - Replies (7)

HBCU, TRACS accredited. Now offering online B.A. and M.A. in Organization Management:http://www.vul.edu/om2/index.html

For interested veterans/active duty personnel: Tuition is $250.00 pch which is the current TA cap rate plus a $150.00 tech fee per semester. All questions about the program are pretty much addressed on the website.

I'm personally rather interested in the MA and have already applied, but I'm not sure I can handle this plus my RA MBA studies.

***Interesting historical note: VUL is the oldest established college in Lynchburg.***

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  Next Clone to Snuff It?
Posted by: 4Knee Kate - 02-06-2009, 09:12 AM - Forum: Nominees, second-stringers, others - Replies (15)

(Note to the mentally unstable: This is intended as speculation only, not advocacy.)

Who among Bear and his clones will be the next to assume room temperature?  As we have just seen with the permanent departure of the dickwit Janko, age and lifestyle aren’t necessarily as determinative as sheer vain idiocy.  Here’s how we handicap the survivors:

1. George Gollin (George D. Gollin, George Dana Gollin)—Two words: government informant.  There’s a reason why they have a witness protection program.  Except for Henry Hill you don’t see too many government informants blabbing to anyone who will listen.  Should have gotten 15 friends to explain it to him.

2. John Klempner Bear—advanced age a factor, but advanced ego more likely to get him into a Janko-like predicament he can’t charm his way out of.

3. Thomas “Tailpipe Chip” White—sodomite lifestyle a factor, but even when he catches AIDS it still takes quite few years to do its job effectively.  His other enterprises put him at more immediate risk.  Somebody he sold a coffee enema as a cancer cure might decide to even the score by filming a really gruesome murder of a porno film producer.

4. Gustavo “Goose” Sainz—High stress due to financial meltdown puts him at health risk.  Plus creditors who stop suing and start sending Guido to collect may create additional and more immediate health risks.  May be distracted by refinancing the refi on his refi and forget to put gas in the plane.

5. Anal Contreras—another high-risk pervert lifestyle, but bird watching is probably less risky than selling gay boy pornography to pedophiles.   If he stays out of public restrooms and cowboy bars he might be okay until the HIV kicks in.

6. Gregg DesElms—not dead already?  Plenty of underpaid Asian hookers happy to hear that.  He’s eager to help perverts get “married,” but not because he’s gay himself, so he says, over and over.  Needs to stay out of cowboy bars, if only because cowboys hate assholes too.

7. Bill Huffman—advanced age, combined with the fact that, some day, some time, Derek Smart will be visiting the San Diego area…

8. Mark Israel—came out third best in a bike v. truck contest, but this can be a plus for him since he receives an unparalleled degree of medical scrutiny.  Every time he farts he gets a gas spectrograph and sonic analysis.  Probably will outlive us all, which is bad news for his wife, who thought she was getting a husband and not a dirty diapers doll.  Remember engineers, on the green light you go, on the red light you STOP.

9. Rich Douglas—with his nose up Bear’s ass all the time, could be at risk for scoliosis.

10. Bruce Tait—severe dog mange on scalp could turn deadly unless treated properly.  Or just have another donut, maybe it will go away on its own.

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